very much enjoying this no character limit to allow my mind to wander from reality to farce. it’s very liberating
at the brewery
bartender: have you been here before, I remember your face
me: she remembers us!
my face: quiet let her speak
me playing it cool: yeah I’ve been here a couple of times
bartender: yes you were sitting right there that’s why I remember you
my face: what
me: well I wasn’t sitting right here i was here motions to the chair next to me
bartender: lol
me: lol
my face: I will cut her
I like how my wife completely disengages mentally when she visits her friends and family. I’m like I just chased a giant bear out of our backyard and she’s like “okay baby have fun 😘”. in her defense I too am mentally disengaging when I decide to chase a massive fucking bear with no backup plan.
chicken hearts mixed with garam masala and salt and air fried at 400 for 10 minutes then topped with el yucateco green. chicken hearts are such an underrated organ
sitting in my reading nook watching the Phillies game and I watch this gigantic black bear saunter right into my backyard from the side of the cabin and straight towards my bird feeders. I’m immediately like, how dare you. I run towards him waving my arms as instructed by pa state park pamphlets and howling like a werewolf (in retrospect). poor guy (in retrospect) turns back and runs across the road. I run across the road after him, howl some more at him just to make sure he received the message. there’s a car approaching and I’m like, these are probably city slickers from Jersey or new York so I ask the car to stop and point towards the bear now disappearing through the woods. look guys a bear. I chased him from my backyard. the black couple rolls down their window. the woman smiles at me and says, “okay”. I’m like you’re welcome even though they haven’t thanked me. and then I go back to my backyard to think about how the fuck did I chase a gigantic bear with no backup plan for if he chased me back.
got up too quickly from my bench and scared all the deer that were apparently right behind me. I apologize.
the only reason Donald keeps trying to overturn the 2020 election is because the 2016 election was the only time in his life when he felt like he was supported and liked by people whom he didn’t hate. now he’s back to only being liked by stupid hick rurals whom he hates and who are of no use to him other than scamming them out of their money. they are unable to offer him the emotional sustenance he requires of being liked by people who actually matter. this is why he fully believes the delusion his brain created out of self preservation, that the 2020 election was stolen from him. thank you for attending my narcissistic personality disorder ted talk.
mediocre people like Donald Trump and Jordan Peterson believe they hold some kind of leadership role in the neo fascist movement. dudebros, the neo fascist movement existed long before you came upon the scene. you’re both just useful idiots in its quest to gain social legitimacy, political legitimacy through Donald Trump and intellectual legitimacy through Jordan Peterson. you’re not leaders, you’re toilet paper. you’ll be discarded and flushed once the fascists have no further use for your services.
every headline about Jordan Peterson should start with the words “mediocre self important nitwit Jordan Peterson tried to suck his own flaccid dick and then”
I wish more white Americans would realize the implications of the fact that anyone saying anything against Donald Trump will inevitably be receiving death threats. trumpism is a fucking domestic terror movement and its leader is Donald fucking Trump. holy shit are you fucking people okay with voting a literal terrorist back into power?
in the brewery
customer 1: I’ll have the gosay
customer 2: actually it’s pronounced goss
me thinking: this is not my battle to fight but sometimes you have to fight battles that aren’t yours to fight if only to maintain law and order in society
me: actually it’s pronounced gosuh
I was sitting in the cabin backyard staring into the trees and using the alone downtime to think some thoughts and also stare at the phone and when I look up from my phone there’s a deer family ten feet away from me, mama deer and two fawns. they are all looking at me like where the hell did you come from? I’m like I’ve been sitting right here for the past hour what are you even talking about? the mama deer seems happy with my answer and then she casually walks out of my backyard and into my neighbors backyard leaving her fawns in my custody. now what? luckily just as I start to google how to lactate for a baby deer they find a section of broken fence to jump over and join their mom. after enjoying relief for maybe half a second I realize that’s a new break in the fence.
DAMN YOU, BEAR!!!!
me driving into a sweet old pa mountain town with cute houses on my way to a brewery
me: this is nice I love Pennsylvania so m
passes house with let’s go Brandon sign
me: will I be able to experience any happiness ever
this is purely anecdotal but ever since the January 6 hearings began I’ve been seeing trump flags and other fascist accessories being removed from properties
my deck vegetable garden has yielded 6 cherry tomatoes and 2 cayenne peppers which makes me eligible to put up a farmers for fetterman sign on my car
I don’t know why ppl are shocked by qanon it’s basically every abrahamic religion except it’s developing and unfolding in real time over the course of a few years instead of a few thousand
spending the long weekend alone because sometimes a man gotta spend time alone in the woods with his thoughts and emotions to find inner peace and also because my wife is visiting her friends and family
this can’t be good for the democrats in the midterms. damn you biden
wife: can you turn on the AC
me: it’s nice outside I can just open the windows and
dog starts panting
me: perhaps it is a tad warm. I think we should turn on the AC
my favorite new historical discovery in Philly while I was there for my naturalization interview was when my friend Jeremy who accompanied me there showed me the archeological remains of ben franklin’s house right behind the original Philly post office which means Ben Franklin, the first US postmaster general, was also the first ever work from home employee. I was also shown ben franklins septic tank (called a privy pit back then because we were all very fancy back then).
me: holy shit are you saying there’s ben franklin’s poop at the bottom of this hole. how do I get a look at it
Jeremy: calm down they probably already excavated his poop to display in the national museum of poop
I have partied so hard between my naturalization interview and oath ceremony I’m now two citizens and should rightfully have two votes according to the weight census
trump: I did not grab the steering wheel of the car. how would I even do that
secret service: he couldn’t have done that because he’s too fat
trump: not only did I grab the steering wheel of the car I drove it to Canada
I genuinely believe that with the shit that remains to be still exposed by the January 6 hearings the gop is gonna have no option other than disengaging from donald totally even as a lot of them are already doing so. and I believe this based on the fact that every hearing exposes more incriminating and more serious shit than the previous one
pretty much zero probability that this textbook witness tampering was ordered by anyone other than acclaimed mob boss donald trump. he’s going to prison.
At the close of the hearing, Cheney shared messages — recalling mafia-style intimidation — that she said were sent to those called to testify before the January 6 committee. “[A person] let me know you have your deposition tomorrow,” one message stated. “He wants me to let you know that he’s thinking about you. He knows you’re loyal, and you’re going to do the right thing when you go in for your deposition.”
this here is a clear cut case of armed insurrection that will ensure trump never holds office again (in addition to jail time)
According to Hutchinson, the president of the United States knew that his supporters attending the January 6 rally near the White House were armed—and he still wanted security removed from the area and the crowd to march to the Capitol. “I overheard the president say something to the effect of ‘I don’t f-ing care that they have weapons. They’re not here to hurt me. Take the f-ing mags [magnetometers] away. Let my people in. They can march to the Capitol from here,’” Hutchinson said. Not long after that, Trump told the crowd that stormed the Capitol, “If you don’t fight like hell, you’re not going to have a country anymore.”