this makes me hopeful about the future of america, or at least, the 2022 elections.
me: damn my brains stopped working
me: shit that’s actually good
perhaps I need to stop reading five thirty eight for mental health reasons
it is heartbreaking to watch americans push the cart of their democracy over the edge of a cliff in real time
i guess we’re now a country where a former president can issue a literal call to assassinate a member of his own party and no one in the party is going to speak up against it
after seeing a trump store in a local fall craft fair I sent this email to the organizers. if you see a trump store in your neighborhood speak the fuck up
one day you’re spending your taxpayer money to fly migrants from texas to blue states, the next day you’re begging blue states to send you their taxpayer money to rebuild your hurricane flattened state. meet the man who fucks both his sister and mother on a nightly basis, mr ron desantis
eat shit perla huerta (preferably out of a prison toilet). also make a sandwich for ron desantis
my brain works best when I’m pleasantly inebriated especially when I’m happy such as when the Philadelphia eagles win so I’m coming up with slogans for my wife who sells flannel shirts to bleach onto her product:
there’s no you in uterus
due process is not a privilege
god is a social construct
anti-govt? ur pro-choice
love is gender neutral
empathy over party
google consent
bored. whom should I hate
you don’t need twitter. we have birds
I don’t know man if you want me to donate to the Florida hurricane damage fund maybe don’t show me pictures of yachts stacked on top of each other
the problem with fall is not only do I have to worry about elections, fascism, fall colors, wet hop beers, fall festivals but also the Philadelphia eagles and Philadelphia Phillies sports teams? fuck fall.
dude at the Washington Nationals home game is wearing a save America hat. that’s like walking into the world trade center rubble wearing nothing but a gay 4 osama speedo
the eagles are up by 6, the Phillies are up by 3 and a problem direct report called me to tell me he’s leaving the company. it’s been a glorious Sunday so far
ron desantis: don’t tread on Florida bitches
also ron desantis: respected sir/madam florida needs your help. please. you may tread on us a little bit. but please help. okay tread all over us. punch me in the balls. but come help us.
saw a trump store stall at a local fall festival so obviously when we walked by it both my wife and I did the whole rub eyes and loudly waaa waaa thing. we chose that over a lock him up chant
cool how America is an abusive relationship where liberals are expected to be empathic towards conservatives while conservatives are expected to be sociopathic towards liberals. trump was the inevitable culmination of this
in the airport electronic screener
attendant: sir please pull your pants above your waist
motherfucker if you’re gonna take my belt you’re gonna have to deal with my pants falling below my waist
more “free speech absolutists” need to be furious about the fact that America is banning books than the fact that donald cannot incite terrorism on twitter anymore
donald could say that hurricane Ian is bidens fault because he didn’t sharpie it through a different route and his supporters would believe it
I want to ask this restaurant out on a date
it’s been so long since I’ve been on a business trip I’m paying for alcohol with my own money
the Philadelphia Phillies make me want to insert a finger into one ear, out the other and poke myself in the eye
really like mehmet “doctor” oz’s new campaign slogan “fetterman is too sexy for Pennsylvania”
really like doug mastrianos new campaign slogan “I not winning so you stop eating”
amazing how many people are and will be going to prison just because of a mediocre orange man’s pathological need for self validation. everything donald touches gets destroyed