“lol what a shitty product why isn’t anyone fixing it roflmao emoji”

eagles won, cowboys lost, good weekend. smell you in Philly, niners

there are two Americas. trumpy America is where George Santos not only has a job, he sits on the house gop science committee. liberal America is where he’s thrown out of Congress and never finds gainful employment ever again because potential employers keep laughing in his face

go cats, go birds that is all

business idea: motorcycle jacket that comes with a free motorcycle

the age old question: is it okay to urinate in the woods?

absolutely. plant a tree, wait for it to grow and then urinate on it

follow up question: is it okay to urinate on an existing tree?

absolutely not. it has already been claimed by a past urinator.

hope this helps.

apparently chatgpt is going to end 47% of American jobs personally I don’t give a fuck I’m ready to transition into becoming a chicken farmer

someone needs to explain to me like I’m elon musk why Netflix stock going up should have any bearing on my company’s stock going up.

the best thing about not drinking beer at a bar all week long is it frees up my time to sit and drink non alcoholic beer at home

during our Superbowl season we were pissed that they were calling us underdogs. now we’re pissed that they’re calling us favorites. feels like eagles fans are pissed as a lifestyle choice

i guess we’re at the “are ppl prosecuted for crime criminals or are they actually crime victims” stage of the donald trump pre-trial defense www.newsweek.com/trump-tax…

apparently egg prices have gone up so much that americans are walking out of groceries instead of buying them. they’re 6 bucks a carton you fucking lunatics so unless you’re planning to eat dirt instead i dont know if your decision makes any kind of fiscal sense

this is only marginally less stupid than that other famous charity invented by that other george, “the human fund: money for people”

they still havent told us who was the woman in sunglasses following donald around pretending to be his devoted wife

sometimes my laptop fan is working real hard real loud and suddenly it just stops and i’m like holy shit am i still alive or did i die

when trump starts tweeting again and you’re still on twitter and it’s not purely to support your livelihood its probably time to stop pretending you’re anti-fascism

it’s amazing how little i miss twitter. thank you oblong mollusc

my resting heart rate has dropped from 74 to 62 over the past two weeks. its almost as if sleeping early, drinking less and working out more is actually good for your body.

I never stopped loving doug pederson. I will always love you

DOUG BIG BALLS WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU IN PHILADELPHIA YOU’RE MY REAL DAD

these pathetic motherfuckers are still wasting precious moments of their life re-counting 2020 election results and losing once again just because a narcissistic mentally incapacitated loser can’t stop weeping about his loss

a few areas where donald trump lacks masculinity:

dances only with his arms lacking any foot movement

never works out because he believes the human heart is only capable of a fixed number of pumping actions

favorite drink is diet coke

is a resident of Florida

prefers his steak well done

is not pet-friendly

throws ketchup at the wall instead of never going anywhere close to ketchup

has probably never set foot in a forest or a natural body of water

relentlessly fantasizes about fucking his own daughter

is unable to obtain sex through means other than sexual assault or the promise of permanent residency for parents

how much time do rich people spend just staring at their banking app and giggling

if I die before Steve Bannons zombie carcass dies I’ll be very displeased

a maga hat is more than just a red hat that says maga. until white independents understand why, this country is going nowhere