I will never get over the fact that I can simultaneously watch a live Phillies game and the live USWNT game in the middle of the woods by a campfire

today I have discovered bimbocore

rhonda santy: I’m not gonna drink Bud light anymore because they’re too woke. anyways I like Guinness better

Guinness: actually,

how is donald still able to recruit attorneys? are they on an H1-B visa

may 2024. springtime, greenery, birds, bees, flowers, united states vs donald john trump

mark meadows (or one of the other flipped rats) has likely already testified that donald tried to overturn specifically black votes. his conviction on the civil rights statute is almost guaranteed.

cant wait for donald to lose iowa and blame desantis for rigging the election

the worst failure of elbow masturbator’s career will be that he couldn’t even keep Twitter user cat turd 2 happy, a man who didn’t ask for much (get paid for tweeting voluminous amounts of raw untreated horseshit)

holy shit ppl put down your damn phones

a very significant part of the “American dream” is to make sure that your house, your car, pretty much everything you buy will also be enjoyable by their future owner regardless of whether they bring you personal enjoyment in the current moment

yes, there are two political parties. no, they are not the same.

it’s so weird to wake up completely devoid of hope and gradually gain the life force required to survive the day from the trees and the birds like some kind of natural energy panel

tim scott is the ghost of herman cain who doesn’t even know he’s already dead like bruce willis in the sixth sense

what the fuck is a “friendly” game? there are no friends in sports motherfucker I’ll cut you

pence: don’t indict trump even though he tried to kill me because I’m a little bitch. ask my wife. actually, don’t.

desantis: don’t indict trump. or whatever. just make me cult leader when he goes to prison. or doesn’t, whatever. I don’t care man, I’m just chilling. but seriously, why don’t the crazies like me more?

christie: indict trump and give him malaria, tuberculosis and whatever else is available on the dark web. give him smallpox, I know a guy in Jersey. you know what, give me ten minutes alone with him and I’ll give him herpes myself.

ramaswamy: don’t indict trump at least until I’ve made my way from his nutsack to his butthole. I have an app to help me find my way from his butthole to his brain. I’m very rich by the way. I would make a great deputy president.

haley: look, I know for a fact that trump is a person. am I right or what? do you like my giggle? I really don’t know what I’m saying or doing. what would you like to hear, my white christian friends?

tim scott: I like being black because there’s no racism in America. except when I get stopped by Capitol police even though I have a senator’s badge. they pretend to not know who I am lol. fun joke Kyle. I laugh every time you do it to me. and sometimes the cops pull me over even when I’m not speeding. sorry what was the question?

how does one go on the political offense in a criminal probe? oh wait he’s trying to get ppl to obstruct justice for him. have these motherfuckers not learnt anything about what happens when you help donald do crime

I read the article and ted cruz is actually dumber than the headline makes him out to be

the January 6th kraken has finally been released

its almost guaranteed that as the indictments pile up donald will be further indicted for witness / judge / jury / attorney intimidation. the man thinks his only way out of prison is to get his terrorist supporters to threaten everyone and create violence and chaos

the indian indie music scene is just absolutely rocking right now. widely available and easy to use DAWs have totally revolutionized and democratized the musical creative process.

i like how every time donald receives bad news he comes running and weeping to his supporters because the scary bad man sent him a nasty letter daddy tell him to go away

about fucking time

tourists flocking to death valley to experience the heat record, why not just wait for the heat record to come to you

breaking news: the georgia supreme court has responded to donald’s request that he not be indicted because hand waving, fart noises and loud wailing with ROTFLMAO and middle finger