another blue wave in Pennsylvania. thank you, donald

the GOP is targeting immigrants in suburbs for brain washing because it’s easy to convince dumb religious immigrant parents that liberals are turning their children gay and trans

this is not hard. don’t vote for anyone who relies on “gut feeling” to shape policy. gut feelings come from either an inflated sense of self-worth or belief in a deity. vote for people who rely on facts and numbers to make decisions. again, this is not fucking hard.

goofy election denying republicans out there deadass asking for my vote. why dont you gargle my chocolate salty balls instead motherfucker

hey suburbanites, the fascists are going to show up en masse today at polling booths to try oppress and erase your friends and coworkers and program your kids to grow up to be sociopathic ghouls but sure sit it out at home and be an apathetic asshole

i dont fucking care why you’re not voting or voting red, but all it means is you’re a shithead, most likely of considerable privilege

there’s nothing dumber than an “I agree with your cause but I don’t like the way you protest” hot take. it’s a fucking protest, not sunday brunch

just took the new covid booster and a flu shot and now i can hear the murmurs of every saturnian oracle

sitting by the fire listening to raga rageshree and thinking about the eagles victory over the cowboys

I used to be so into technology and now I just don’t care. sorry technology I’m sure some day you’ll find another nerd who’s into you

“eccentric billionaire” is a strange thing to call an amoral rich sociopath

voting third party or not voting at all because you dont like either biden or trump is like walking into traffic because they didnt build you a pedestrian bridge

met a guy yesterday at the bar who was a doomsday hoarder. but then he started asking me to give him things to hoard such as a computer. guys, before you start a new hobby please make sure you can afford it

who else is excited to do voter fraud next tuesday by performing the simple act of not voting for the gop

how does mike pence feel about the fact that god made him lose the gop primary three years after god tried to kill him on january 6

a lot of erotic women are following me on instagram. please stop following me i am not erotic

thinking of doing a hundred push ups today just to fuck with mother nature

it’s amazing now much republicans hate the constitution and America itself

if I haven’t made this clear yet, fuck your fucking religions, okay?

I know someone who passionately attends pride parades but is also passionately active on shitter, a social network owned by a guy who’s an open transphobe. if you can’t get yourself to stop funding transphobia at least stay the fuck away from pride parades, my guy.

every single organized religion demonizes the vulnerable and the marginalized. after all, when religion fails to solve real world problems (because the real world doesn’t give a fuck about your fairy tale shit) someone needs to be blamed. but yeah, keep normalizing religion.

ron desantis: Florida is open for business. we are full of freedom and we will put all the wokes in prison. come one, come all

insurance companies: cool cool we’re leaving so good luck with all that

we found a few fleas in the cabin so we decided to bug bomb the shit out of it. we read the instructions, turned off all lights and pilot lights. then, while my wife and dog were safely in the car I set off three bombs in three different rooms. just as I was about to get the fuck out, the fire alarm went off. bro, no one said anything about fire alarms in the instructions. so I took a deep breath Elaine style (Seinfeld season 6 episode 20), ran to the fire alarm, pulled it out, ran back, opened the door and almost passed out from the anxiety, asphyxia and likely some carcinogenic bomb stuff, Frank style (it’s always sunny in Philadelphia season 5 episode 6). anyways we’re gonna spend the rest of the afternoon in the local tavern waiting for that shit to work.

so…tackle swift instead of kelce. good to know for this Superbowl

dolphins fan at the other end of the bar is screaming and cursing at the eagles team and fanbase

jets fan next to me: he’s gotta be an eagles fan

me: are you fucking kidding me