the American ornithological society is planning on renaming several bird species because many of them were named after awful people americanornithology.org/about/eng… . they have requested birders to send them some new name suggestions. here are mine:

cooper’s hawk: murder copbird

northern cardinal: non-denominational sexybird

american woodcock: breakdance gurubird

canada goose: raucous turdbird

wood duck: handsome ghostbird

carolina wren: noisy nosybird

house wren: hide n seekbird

mourning dove: clumsy but fastbird

blue jay: i scream you scream we all screambird

northern mockingbird: all your song are minebird

red-tailed hawk: everything is my food even your catbird

gray catbird: that extrovert friend you likebird

blue-gray gnatcatcher: angry eyebrowsbird

bald eagle: majestic thiefbird

osprey: seahawks are not a real birdbird

white-breasted nuthatch: gravity is fakebird

brown creeper: the bark is movingbird

mute swan: rage-filled princessbird

carolina chickadee: sweet survivorbird

pileated woodpecker: scream like yolobird

downy woodpecker: multiple concussionbird

red-bellied woodpecker: i don’t actually have a red bellybird

northern flicker: too pretty to be a woodpeckerbird

yellow bellied sapsucker: yellow bellied??? i kill all your treesbird

tufted titmouse: no time gotta gobird

turkey vulture: i will fucking eat you and your family (after you die of natural causes)bird