donalds excuses for the classified documents:

they are my classified documents. ask your dad.

I declassified them by kissing the signature page.

the FBI planted the documents and left a used condom.

I had explosive diarrhea, ran out of toilet paper and mistakenly used them to wipe my ass and the walls.

the toilet paper store was closed so I brought a whole bunch of them into the bathroom to wipe my giant gaping butthole. it uses a lot of toilet paper.

I should be able to do anything I fucking want without being held accountable. fuck you.