guy next to me at the bar: are you into gambling

me thinking of literally every single person I’ve met at the bar who was into gambling: no

guy slamming his phone on the bar: ok

this buffalo miami game is proving that you can enjoy a football game without having to support either team as long as it’s snowing the christmas fuck all over everything

it’s amazing how many men look at you affectionately when you wear a Santa hat. calm down sir I love my dog

everyone at the bar is admiring my Santa hat but wondering if it’s too early to wear it hey man we’re only one week away from Christmas and as a non practicing hindu I gotta start way early celebrating your lord and savior

raw oysters on the shell in a little Pennsylvania town on the Delaware

server: do you need hot sauce

me: yes please

server: do you want Tabasco or this weird hot funky…

me: I’ll do the weird hot funky please

just googled “should a middle aged man watch the Netflix series Wednesday”

it’s going to be a long violent road back to normalcy. and literally all of this was easily predictable in 2016.

as instructed by local car bumper stickers I’m putting the Christ back in Christmas (showing up to area bars naked and bloody)

i dont know why its funny that donald supporters who helped him attempt a violent coup are rotting in prison while he sells photoshopped pictures of himself riding an elephant to supporters who didnt help him attempt a violent coup but it is very funny

today is my final day of work for 2022. my plan for the next 2 weeks:

learn 10 new recipes

learn a 3 string guitar

make a fire every day

try not to get alcohol poisoning

build stone steps from the backyard to the creek

find 100 geocaches

write 5 blog posts

win the NFC east

try not to get another cold

hike the entire upper green ribbon trail from north wales to ambler

try not to get the flu

let it snow let it snow let it snow

what does the gop think is gonna happen in 2024?

1 donald wins the primary and loses the general

2 donald loses the primary, spreads chaos and disinfo during the primary, tells his supporters to stay home for the general, likely incites violence

3 there is no option 3

I have discovered Vegemite

I was asked to keep out of a new Jersey Christmas tree farm because of my Philadelphia eagles hat. mission accomplished.

teaching my wife the marathi language one road rage at a time

five better alternatives to a soccer penalty shootout:

bbq competition

penis fight

celine dion cover song competition

make the monkey laugh contest

keep playing until we all die

holy shit Philadelphia our boy Mac is getting royally loved across the pond

five possible alternatives to soccer overtime penalty kicks:

hot dog eating contest

one leg dance off

horror story competition

farther peeing contest

how many illegitimate children

gonna go watch the eagles giants game in the meadowlands this weekend with a friend who’s a giants fan and the shit-talking has already begun. we’re both talking shit about the giants

donald: dines with nazis

gop: we haven’t really….

donald: demands to terminate the constitution and call himself king

gop:…been following….

donald: parties with qanon

gop:…..the news.

to his credit kanye west has initiated a good discussion in the nazi community about how much nazi is good nazi

like everything else he’s ever done elmo muskulature is discovering his love for maga 6 years after every other fascist did it

like everything else he’s ever done elmo muskulature is discovering his love for maga 4 years after every other fascist did it

fuck yes

3 more weeks to 2023. last call for the 2022 accountability police

just watched herschel walkers concession speech and it was fine except for the part where he went into detail regarding differences between orc and hobbit genitalia?