a guy at the bar next to me is wearing a “let’s go Brandon” t shirt. he’s talking normally, expressing normal human emotions like sympathy and laughing at jokes and without the t shirt you could easily mistake him as someone who is not potentially a violent domestic terrorist

if you are still wondering why companies focus on diversity in their hiring think about all the “tech genius” white boys who don’t understand the free market or the first amendment while claiming they support both

excited about this week when it will finally get warm enough to go hiking without your balls freezing and falling off and then having to go to Lowes to buy a balls reattachment kit and pretend it’s for a friend who’s into teabagging sleeping fisher cats

the privileged brain is just too fucking stupid to understand that the constitutional right to do something has zero bearing on the morality of doing it

little did I know when I first came to this country that 25 years later id be sitting in a “brewery” in a town called “skippack” watching an “American carry the ball instead of kick it” game muttering to myself the hope that a man called “gardner minshew” would “fuck the cowboys”

guess which ones mine

pretty cool that two years later Joe Biden is still winning Arizona on a regular basis

going out for some live music

wife: why are you wearing gloves you never wear gloves

me: because I need my hands to make a living

man it’s 2023 we’re way into the future but I can’t tell if I’m impressed or disappointed. on the one hand I have access to literally every song by every single artist in the world in the palm of my hand on the other hand white ppl don’t believe in vaccines or democracy anymore

if you are unable to criticize your own religion your opinions on everything else are worthless

Duluth trading company is the Lowes of clothing I’m like yes I want to install all of that shit onto my body and make it more functional

I find salt cod in my local Italian market

me: cool

me: googles salt cod recipes

recipe: first soak the salt cod in fresh water for 3 days changing the water 3 times a day

me: cool

me: googles regular cod recipes

today is an important day in the history of America. almost exactly two years ago I was watching Congress about to certify the election of president elect Joe Biden. instead we saw the sitting president Donald Trump attempt a violent coup and incite a crowd of his terrorist supporters into attempting to murder sitting members of Congress and his own vice president. watching the mayhem unfold I was relatively sure this would lead to another trump impeachment but I was less sure whether the perpetrator of this act of domestic terrorism, Donald Trump, would face criminal accountability. will America remain a democracy or will it fold into failed nation status. these questions will be answered in part today. I know Jack Smith will be watching closely and hopefully, eventually, making the right decision regardless of the short term social and political implications.

Saudi investors: dude it’s starting to feel like you don’t know how to run a company. why don’t you step down as CEO

Elmo: how about I run a Twitter poll to decide if I should step down as ceo

thinking of attending midnight mass this Christmas eve. I hear Jesus Christ throws some wild birthday parties

utterly grateful that my CEO does not base business decisions on the result of a Twitter poll

fuck the cowboys week 2022 has officially begun in the greater Philadelphia region

eagles won, cowboys lost to dougie big balls, I got to unexpectedly meet an old friend who used to tend my local bar but moved to a different bar a while ago. so good day. good day. go birds.

I might have brought down my mastodon server with my soccer shitposting

elon musk on the shitter

elon musk: holy shit did I really buy Twitter for 44 billion

starts shitting blood

elon musk: damn where’s my blood boy

glenn greenwald: doors locked sir

everything starts to make sense once you realize this is how billionaires cry

Messi’s kick was mental abuse

watch out for Messis kick he’s a cunning little bastard

I knew Argentina still had time for one more argentining

people will bond with literally any online rando who will promise he will be there with his stupid shit podcast at the prescribed time tomorrow. all people want is for tomorrow to be like today: exist