a goose egg


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stop trying to make people happy who can only be happy through self validation. they will never be happy. it won’t make you happy. and you will suffer the consequences of not being able to make them happy. save yourself, especially if you’re an empath whose happiness comes from making others happy.

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I get the purpose of a dress tie, it’s a big fancy dick hanging from your neck because your pants dick is too short and unpatterned for professional credibility

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we strategically stationed the dog outside my wife’s booth in our local craft fair to attract the “oh sooo cuteee” foot traffic

woman passing by: is the dog for sale

me: no but you can help support his lavish lifestyle

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October wilderness protocol in South East Pennsylvania

passing a fellow hiker

hiker: go Phils

me: go Phils

me: go birds

hiker: go birds

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fall hikes are the closest I’ve come to sensing a non malignant god type thing

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today the eagles play at 4, Phillies play at 6 so there will be a window of an hour when I will be required to wear an eagles jersey, a Phillies jersey, an eagles hat and a Phillies hat all at the same time

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the mobile trump store has again appeared at this year’s local craft fair but they’ve put it way in the back so people won’t try to set it on fire

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taking a stand for science by partially trimming my beard before the Phillies NL divisional series. not trimming fully because there are still many things science cannot explain

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sometimes I worry I’m eating too much butter but then I crunch a few numbers and conclude that there’s a lot more butter out there

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so vivek ramu lied about liberal protestors driving into his car. a good rule of thumb is to never believe anything a maga says because maga fascism is all about creating an alternate fake reality where everything is scary and can only be fixed by the dear leader

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donald could give Russia a nuclear submarine and magas would be like traveling underwater is overrated anyways

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went out for a walk but then started jogging like an insane person

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feels like blue jays are always at defcon 1

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RFK jr will take away votes from both biden and trump because the demographic of people who shove a finger in their butthole, take it out and smell it is party-agnostic

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apparently twitter is only valued at 8 billion now and 7.5 billion of that is dril tweets

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i have fall eye allergies for the very first time in my life. is this climate change or is this old age

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once the gop is done inviting donald trump to speak at the capitol they should look for osama bin ladens carcass so they can invite it to speak in downtown manhattan

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malignant narcissists have been responsible for most of humanity’s downfall. and yet we still lack the awareness to detect them in our midst. because they are friends and family. but they are also genocidal motherfuckers. it’s the exact same people. this is a fight between them and us.

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narcissistic, possibly mentally disabled man says things

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accidentally high fived a pirates fan after the Phillies went to the nlds and now I feel bad

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happy Phillies Grand slam in a playoff game day to everyone who observes

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if people read your anti-lgbtq hate tweets and get inspired to send bomb threats to schools you’re a terrorist. libs of tiktok is a terrorist.

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it’s not been a good day for Florida man and it won’t be a good day for Florida baseball teams

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it’s Phillies o' clock

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if you dont shut down the stock market right now i’m gonna claim its rigged