the eagles are up by 6, the Phillies are up by 3 and a problem direct report called me to tell me he’s leaving the company. it’s been a glorious Sunday so far
ron desantis: don’t tread on Florida bitches
also ron desantis: respected sir/madam florida needs your help. please. you may tread on us a little bit. but please help. okay tread all over us. punch me in the balls. but come help us.
saw a trump store stall at a local fall festival so obviously when we walked by it both my wife and I did the whole rub eyes and loudly waaa waaa thing. we chose that over a lock him up chant
cool how America is an abusive relationship where liberals are expected to be empathic towards conservatives while conservatives are expected to be sociopathic towards liberals. trump was the inevitable culmination of this
in the airport electronic screener
attendant: sir please pull your pants above your waist
motherfucker if you’re gonna take my belt you’re gonna have to deal with my pants falling below my waist
more “free speech absolutists” need to be furious about the fact that America is banning books than the fact that donald cannot incite terrorism on twitter anymore
donald could say that hurricane Ian is bidens fault because he didn’t sharpie it through a different route and his supporters would believe it
I want to ask this restaurant out on a date
it’s been so long since I’ve been on a business trip I’m paying for alcohol with my own money
the Philadelphia Phillies make me want to insert a finger into one ear, out the other and poke myself in the eye
really like mehmet “doctor” oz’s new campaign slogan “fetterman is too sexy for Pennsylvania”
really like doug mastrianos new campaign slogan “I not winning so you stop eating”
amazing how many people are and will be going to prison just because of a mediocre orange man’s pathological need for self validation. everything donald touches gets destroyed
motherfuckers will vote for the gop even after a once in 500 years climate catastrophe
new orleans is one of those american cities where you walk around with a constant stupid grin on your face
me at every company event: hey man how you doing I’ve seen your name on slack
god fucking damn I hate getting into a bar conversation with someone who is actually interested in the same things I am so I don’t have to fake interest in the conversation and then slowly turns out they are also mildly transphobic and racist and I have to spend the rest of the night gently explaining power privilege diversity shit to them while I’m six beers in and saying goodbye to our friendship
I am dangerously tired of explaining power, privilege, punching up and not down and the business value of corporate diversity initiatives to white people. this is unpaid labor
really like mehmet “doctor” oz’s new campaign slogan “I can’t find my phone somebody call me”
really like doug mastrianos new campaign slogan “I sad, no money. give money if you hate democracy”
when donald dies please make sure there’s someone next to his bed gently slapping him on his cheeks making kissing noises and telling him he lost Arizona and he lost Georgia
really like mehmet “doctor” oz’s new campaign slogan “i hope avatar 2 is as good as the first one”
really like doug mastrianos new campaign slogan “go back to sleep folks I’m just here installing a five foot jesus on a cross in your kids bedroom”
head of the world bank doesn’t believe in climate change. bro maybe you should be head of a smaller bank like a river bank
my brain: screaming
functional part of my brain: ok time to be functional
my brain: ok screams softly in the background
functional part of my brain: ok you off the clock now
my brain: back to screaming