for an anti-government militia leader stewart rhodes sure gonna enjoy a lot of government lodging and meals for the next 20 years

great satan looking good today

to everyone at the gym fake-lifting very heavy weights I have this to say: God is watching

Kanye and Nick Fuentes for the next two years

now I’m worried that I’m infringing on Elmo’s first amendment rights by not buying his stupid cars

so two red Arizona counties are refusing to certify the election as a political statement in support of kari lake which will tip two house seats from gop to democrat? thank you donald trump

Elmo really believes that companies not advertising on Twitter are infringing on the first amendment rights of…whom exactly

what am I even looking at

the eagles win

me trying to high five the woman next to me at the bar and missing completely

her: let’s try this again

me: okay

her raising her hand

I raise my hand

her: watch my elbow

me watching her elbow: I got this

we successfully high five

at the farmers market

me to my mushroom guy: are you all out of shallots?

mushroom guy: well the vendor over there is selling shallots now and I don’t want to cut into their business.

and this is how you live in a society, folks

the size of Doug Pederson’s balls remains larger than average. nice win jaguars

my wife just sold a painting she created using ash from a campfire that I created and I’m very proud. fuck you high school biology teacher who told me I am the worst artist she’s ever encountered. who’s laughing now?

I think soccer would be a way sexier sport if the players wore dress shirts and ties with their shorts

fucking hilarious to see a guy who’s so used to getting away with crimes as a CEO that he’s simply incapable of grasping the idea of being held accountable for crimes as a president

I see the orange man is dangling off a tree in Florida flinging feces at whoever approaches

elon musk is so conventionally stupid. this is what most people are finding really hard to believe. a man who’s worth so much money, yet someone who’s not just failing to answer the hard questions, but not even recognizing that the easy questions have already been answered.

feeling bad for principled conservatives in the republican party who are unable to enact terrible harmful policies because the crazy wing of the party keeps them from coming into power

I know everyone says this all the time but I have found the best cheesesteak joint in the greater Philadelphia area. and not only do they have really delicious gourmet cheesesteaks but they also have a little stage all set up with various musical instruments so you can walk up and jam alone or with someone else while you wait for your food. which I did with the little green cajon. played a beat to the acoustic music playing in the background and then enjoyed a most excellent garlic butter cheesesteak accompanied by gravy. let’s go birds.

you had dinner in a shitty florida club with an anti semite and a white supremacist. I had lunch with my wife in an inn where George Washington used to hang out. we are not the same

since I left Twitter for the second time yesterday I have bought two pairs of pants, returned one pair of pants, bought a giant tv and hiked the mature woods in my neighborhood where George Washington and his army camped for a month on their way to valley forge #livinglife #thankyouelonmuskrat

it’s hard to enjoy a rap song without knowing the full context of whom the artist is threatening to “leave bloody like menses” and what was instrumental in creating this friction in their relationship

I’m going through an Indian hip hop phase. what would be the quickest way to get up to speed on the inter rapper beef scene

seriously though, a political party that can’t do better than Herschel Walker should find a different day job

donald would break bread with a dung beetle if it called him the greatest president in history and then pretend he didn’t know it was a dung beetle

Herschel Walker gonna lose by no fewer than five points (two touchdowns just so Herschel Walker can understand this tweet)