I was asked to keep out of a new Jersey Christmas tree farm because of my Philadelphia eagles hat. mission accomplished.

teaching my wife the marathi language one road rage at a time

five better alternatives to a soccer penalty shootout:

bbq competition

penis fight

celine dion cover song competition

make the monkey laugh contest

keep playing until we all die

holy shit Philadelphia our boy Mac is getting royally loved across the pond

five possible alternatives to soccer overtime penalty kicks:

hot dog eating contest

one leg dance off

horror story competition

farther peeing contest

how many illegitimate children

gonna go watch the eagles giants game in the meadowlands this weekend with a friend who’s a giants fan and the shit-talking has already begun. we’re both talking shit about the giants

donald: dines with nazis

gop: we haven’t really….

donald: demands to terminate the constitution and call himself king

gop:…been following….

donald: parties with qanon

gop:…..the news.

to his credit kanye west has initiated a good discussion in the nazi community about how much nazi is good nazi

like everything else he’s ever done elmo muskulature is discovering his love for maga 6 years after every other fascist did it

like everything else he’s ever done elmo muskulature is discovering his love for maga 4 years after every other fascist did it

fuck yes

3 more weeks to 2023. last call for the 2022 accountability police

just watched herschel walkers concession speech and it was fine except for the part where he went into detail regarding differences between orc and hobbit genitalia?

if the success of your presidential campaign was relying on hunter bidens dick tending on Twitter in October maybe you didn’t run a good campaign

is it too woke to hope your Senate candidate doesn’t think he’s running for the house

keep talking, citrus caligula

immigrants are taking your jobs because even though you have a college degree you think it’s reasonable to believe that jfk jr is resurrecting from his grave to form a government with donald trump

stop trying to analyze what he’s saying and focus on what that’s actually going to achieve. donald trump is a stochastic terrorist. his words are designed to create media befuddlement as a side effect but their primary goal is to incite domestic terrorism.

“stand back and stand by”

media: sir what are you saying did you misspeak?

proud boys: we know exactly what he’s saying. we’re on it.

“suspend the constitution and make me president”

media: wait are you saying you hate the constitution

right wing militias all over America: you’re telling us to attack the government aren’t you? we’re on it.

I thought I would miss twitter during eagles games but I’m having fun talking football with the guy next to me in the bar who’s there on his first date

“suspend the constitution” is a call for domestic terrorism how are we still not up to speed on donalds violent fascist intentions?

elmo is either too stupid to realize the power he holds over domestic terrorists just waiting to incite violence or he’s a sociopath who revels in the self validation this power brings him or he’s a complete fucking imbecile and actually believes he’s a free speech warrior

if a former president calls for the constitution to be suspended does it mean every supreme court justice he appointed has to return to their previous day job

we’re down 0-2 because the guy who showed up in the bar for the Iran game wearing an America hat, attached an American flag to the ceiling fan and his Guinness glass, muttered America before every sip and demanded America shots for everyone when we won didn’t show up today

soccer saturday in the suburbs. Guinness and donuts