a goose egg


today is an important day for America

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today is an important day in the history of America. almost exactly two years ago I was watching Congress about to certify the election of president elect Joe Biden. instead we saw the sitting president Donald Trump attempt a violent coup and incite a crowd of his terrorist supporters into attempting to murder sitting members of Congress and his own vice president. watching the mayhem unfold I was relatively sure this would lead to another trump impeachment but I was less sure whether the perpetrator of this act of domestic terrorism, Donald Trump, would face criminal accountability. will America remain a democracy or will it fold into failed nation status. these questions will be answered in part today. I know Jack Smith will be watching closely and hopefully, eventually, making the right decision regardless of the short term social and political implications.

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Saudi investors: dude it’s starting to feel like you don’t know how to run a company. why don’t you step down as CEO

Elmo: how about I run a Twitter poll to decide if I should step down as ceo

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thinking of attending midnight mass this Christmas eve. I hear Jesus Christ throws some wild birthday parties

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utterly grateful that my CEO does not base business decisions on the result of a Twitter poll

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fuck the cowboys week 2022 has officially begun in the greater Philadelphia region

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eagles won, cowboys lost to dougie big balls, I got to unexpectedly meet an old friend who used to tend my local bar but moved to a different bar a while ago. so good day. good day. go birds.

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I might have brought down my mastodon server with my soccer shitposting

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elon musk on the shitter

elon musk: holy shit did I really buy Twitter for 44 billion

starts shitting blood

elon musk: damn where’s my blood boy

glenn greenwald: doors locked sir

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everything starts to make sense once you realize this is how billionaires cry

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Messi’s kick was mental abuse

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watch out for Messis kick he’s a cunning little bastard

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I knew Argentina still had time for one more argentining

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people will bond with literally any online rando who will promise he will be there with his stupid shit podcast at the prescribed time tomorrow. all people want is for tomorrow to be like today: exist

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guy next to me at the bar: are you into gambling

me thinking of literally every single person I’ve met at the bar who was into gambling: no

guy slamming his phone on the bar: ok

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this buffalo miami game is proving that you can enjoy a football game without having to support either team as long as it’s snowing the christmas fuck all over everything

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it’s amazing how many men look at you affectionately when you wear a Santa hat. calm down sir I love my dog

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everyone at the bar is admiring my Santa hat but wondering if it’s too early to wear it hey man we’re only one week away from Christmas and as a non practicing hindu I gotta start way early celebrating your lord and savior

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raw oysters on the shell in a little Pennsylvania town on the Delaware

server: do you need hot sauce

me: yes please

server: do you want Tabasco or this weird hot funky…

me: I’ll do the weird hot funky please

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just googled “should a middle aged man watch the Netflix series Wednesday”

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it’s going to be a long violent road back to normalcy. and literally all of this was easily predictable in 2016.

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as instructed by local car bumper stickers I’m putting the Christ back in Christmas (showing up to area bars naked and bloody)

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i dont know why its funny that donald supporters who helped him attempt a violent coup are rotting in prison while he sells photoshopped pictures of himself riding an elephant to supporters who didnt help him attempt a violent coup but it is very funny

my plan for the rest of 2022

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today is my final day of work for 2022. my plan for the next 2 weeks:

learn 10 new recipes

learn a 3 string guitar

make a fire every day

try not to get alcohol poisoning

build stone steps from the backyard to the creek

find 100 geocaches

write 5 blog posts

win the NFC east

try not to get another cold

hike the entire upper green ribbon trail from north wales to ambler

try not to get the flu

let it snow let it snow let it snow

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what does the gop think is gonna happen in 2024?

1 donald wins the primary and loses the general

2 donald loses the primary, spreads chaos and disinfo during the primary, tells his supporters to stay home for the general, likely incites violence

3 there is no option 3

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I have discovered Vegemite