drove thirty minutes through Pennsylvania mountain soup but now we’re ready to party until next year
brunch place has a 45 minutes wait so my options for spending the next 45 minutes are:
spend dollars at the dollar store
rent a couch at the rent-a-center
bare it all at bare-it-all tanning salon
buy a custom hub cap
trespass on this parking lot with the no trespassing sign
8 mile hike. spotted 29 bird species and a fox. 5 stream crossings. 3 bars. good day.
every time I sit at a bar next to a couple on their first date and the guy gets to the point where he’s telling her how australia is home to nine of the ten deadliest snakes I feel like interrupting to say yes but america is home to the republican party
watching the bad boys mower pinstripe college bowl game named after elon musk’s next child in case he ever gets laid again
come on man, we’re trying to have a civilization here
if only animals no matter how big or small knew how easily they could own libs (me) by just running towards them (me) in the woods
they’re gonna get naked cry in each other’s arms and rub their taints together
I’m okay with the US testing travelers from China for covid. you know why? because I’m not a performative fucking dipshit
listen to the asphalt
today while hiking I came across this thing and kicked it just to see what it was but then I read what it said and i stopped kicking it. Mr President could you change the appearance of this thing so it’s not that kickable
sunset hike at valley forge
saw a sign today outside a house, “Dems are weak men and angry women”. I don’t know man, feels like this sign was put up by a weak man scared of all the angry women in his life
a guy at the bar next to me is wearing a “let’s go Brandon” t shirt. he’s talking normally, expressing normal human emotions like sympathy and laughing at jokes and without the t shirt you could easily mistake him as someone who is not potentially a violent domestic terrorist
if you are still wondering why companies focus on diversity in their hiring think about all the “tech genius” white boys who don’t understand the free market or the first amendment while claiming they support both
excited about this week when it will finally get warm enough to go hiking without your balls freezing and falling off and then having to go to Lowes to buy a balls reattachment kit and pretend it’s for a friend who’s into teabagging sleeping fisher cats
the privileged brain is just too fucking stupid to understand that the constitutional right to do something has zero bearing on the morality of doing it
little did I know when I first came to this country that 25 years later id be sitting in a “brewery” in a town called “skippack” watching an “American carry the ball instead of kick it” game muttering to myself the hope that a man called “gardner minshew” would “fuck the cowboys”
guess which ones mine
pretty cool that two years later Joe Biden is still winning Arizona on a regular basis
going out for some live music
wife: why are you wearing gloves you never wear gloves
me: because I need my hands to make a living
man it’s 2023 we’re way into the future but I can’t tell if I’m impressed or disappointed. on the one hand I have access to literally every song by every single artist in the world in the palm of my hand on the other hand white ppl don’t believe in vaccines or democracy anymore
if you are unable to criticize your own religion your opinions on everything else are worthless
Duluth trading company is the Lowes of clothing I’m like yes I want to install all of that shit onto my body and make it more functional
I find salt cod in my local Italian market
me: cool
me: googles salt cod recipes
recipe: first soak the salt cod in fresh water for 3 days changing the water 3 times a day
me: cool
me: googles regular cod recipes